Tag Archives: Relationships

Twin flames

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Twin flames

Click the image to buy the twin flame reunion t-shirt

2015 I believe is my year of “spiritual awakening ” .I just feel more spiritually close to God more than Ever and I become so interested in new age topics like  Astrology,chakras ,meditation ,twin flames and soulmates and spirituality in general 

Recently I become obesessed with twin flame relationships and I would google it like crazy ,I thought twin flames and soulmates are the same thing but turned out they are two totally different things 

A twin flame is literally your other half ,your perfect match .when God created souls ,He created a soul and its twin ,one soul with masculine  energy and the other soul with feminine energy but every soul is a whole soul,two bodies share the same soul then they come here to Earth into physical body . The thing with male and female energies is that it is specific to geneder so a woman has the divine feminine energy and its twin soul the man has the masculine divine energy and together they become one when they reunite and reach divine oneness

Twin flame relationships are so rare and only few who are truly blessed marry their twin flames ,it’s like 1% rare becoz not everyone can handle the intensity of the twin flame relationship ,it’s like looking at yourself in the mirror the whole time becoz your twin flame will reflect everything about you ,the good and the bad

It’s said that before we come to Earth we As souls made contract or had an agreement with other souls to meet to achieve specific missions or learn certain lessons to help us in our journey here on Earth 

Twin flames are one of those souls with a particular mission ,they reunite the masculing and the feminine  of their polarity and experience oneness with the divine  so Twin flame relationship is predestined or we could say they are born to be together ,one soul in two bodies 

From Astrological prespective ,what I have read is that twin flames share the same element so twin flames could be both water or Air or fire or earth element 

Their ascendant could be in different signs but the rules of those planets is in the same element ,say if they both have ascendant in earth signs like virgo and taurus ,the rulers of those planets is Mercury and venus both planets share the air element 

The first twin flame in the entire universe is Adam and Eve ,God created Adam first as a soul then from this soul ,God created its twin which is Eve 

There are many signs that are mentioned online about how to recognize your twin flame , i would mention only those i believe to be true 

1-Recognition 

When twin flame first meet ,they recognize each other as a husband and wife even if they have never met before 

The female knows first becoz women are more intuitive and in touch with their feelings

When adam asked Eve “who are you”? She said she was created by God as his mate to be his shelter and He then recognized her as his wife

2- telepathy

You become able to read each other’s mind and even feel each other’s emotions

3- the mirror 

You see yourself in the eyes of your twin ,it’s like looking at yourself in the mirror ,you might even look alike 

4-you feel like you have met this person before ,like meeting them again after a long time and you might wonder to yourself “i know this person from somewhere but i cant remember “, there is this familiarity

5-intense eye contact

6-strong attraction like you never felt before ,” love at first sight”

7-feeling like yourself around this person 

The stages of the twin flame relationship :

This video explains the stages of the twin flame relationship

http://youtu.be/iiO4HSeLh2k

There is awakening on every level ,sexual (as explained in the video due to the expanision of the heart chakra and the flow of energy into all the other chakras ,all chakras get activtated upon meeting your twin flame) ,spiritual and on the personal level coming to realize the true nature of yourself and who you really are aside from the Egoic self 

 

I will gather here in this post everything I read about twin flames online and in books that i believe to be true and i will paraphrase it in my own words 

The twin souls complment each other if one has a trait ,the other twin complements him like if one is a good writer,the other would be a good speaker and vice versa

If a twin has 60% of a trait ,the other twin would have the remaining 40% of the trait as they both make one perfect whole

Looking at your twin is like looking at a mirror ,you see yourself in them ,the good ,the bad and the ugly 

And you twin can help you heal all your issues if you became aware of what they are refelcting back to you about yourself

One of the twin suffered from illness that doctors failed to know its reason and only your twin soul can help you heal 

 

There are alot more info about twin flames and their misson and  journey on Earth but i’ll write about that in future posts inshaAllah 

 

 

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why Men Love bitches?

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Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl―A Woman’s Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship

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I‘ve read this book recently ,it’s totally Amazing .it gave women insight about how men think and react when it comes to women .if u are confused and still wonder why a relationship didn’t work ,while u were nice and everything ,then this is book is a must-read ,it gives u a guideline how to be a bitch and make a relationship works with any man.The word”Bitch” here doesn’t mean someone who is mean or easy to get but it has a positive meaning ,a bitch is a woman who has pride and speak up her mind and not afraid of being alone .it seems harsh but it’s true :Men love bitches .

PRINCIPLES
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #1
Anything a person chases in life runs away.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #2
The women who have the men climbing the walls for
them aren’t always exceptional. Often, they are the
ones who don’t appear to care that much.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #3
A woman is perceived as offering a mental challenge
to the degree that a man doesn’t feel
he has a 100 percent hold on her.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #4
Sometimes a man deliberately won’t call, just to see how
you’ll respond.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #5
If you start out dependent, it turns him off.
But if it is something he can’t have, it becomes more
of a challenge for him to get it.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #6
It is your attitude about yourself that a man will adopt.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #7
Act like a prize and you’ll turn him into a believer.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #8
The biggest variable between a bitch
and a woman who is too nice is fear.
The bitch shows that she’s
not afraid to be without him.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #9
If the choice is between her dignity
and having a relationship, the bitch will
prioritize her dignity above all else.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #10
When a woman doesn’t give in easily and doesn’t
appear docile or submissive, it becomes more
stimulating to obtain her.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #11
Being right on the verge of getting something generates a
desire that has to be satisfied.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #12
A man knows which woman will give in to last-minute
requests.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #13
Whether you have terms and conditions
indicates whether you have options.
Almost immediately, you present yourself
as a doormat or a dreamgirl.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #14
If you smother him, he’ll go into
defense mode and look for an escape
route to protect his freedom.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #15
Whenever a woman requires too many
things from a man, he’ll resent it.
Let him give what he wants to give freely;
then observe who he is.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #16
A bitch gives a man plenty of space so
he doesn’t fear being trapped in a cage.
Then . . . he sets out to trap her in his.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #17
If you tell him you are not interested
in jumping into a relationship with both feet,
he will set out to try to change your mind.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #18
Always give the appearance that he has plenty of space. It
gets him to drop his guard.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #19
More than anything else, he watches to see if you’ll be too
emotionally dependent on him.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #20
He must feel that you choose to be with him,
not that you need to be with him. Only then will
he perceive you as an equal partner.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #21
If a man has to wait before he sleeps
with a woman, he’ll not only perceive
her as more beautiful, he’ll also take
time to appreciate who she is.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #22
Sex and the “spark” are not one and the same.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #23
Before sex, a man isn’t thinking clearly
and a woman is thinking clearly. After sex,
it reverses. The man is thinking clearly
and the woman isn’t.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #24
Every man wants to have sex first; whether he wants
a girlfriend is something he thinks about later. By not
giving him what he wants up front, you become his
girlfriend without him realizing it.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #25
A man intuitively senses whether sexuality
comes from a place of security or from a place of
neediness. He knows when a woman is having
sex to appease him.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #26
Bad habits are easier to form than good ones,
because good habits require conscious effort.
Waiting encourages this effort.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #27
If you pull the sexual plug at the last minute, he’ll label you a
tease.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #28
If he makes you feel insecure, let your insecurity be your
guide.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #29
A quality guy fantasizes about a woman who genuinely loves
sex.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #30
Any time a woman competes with another woman, she
demeans herself.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #31
When there is that undeniable “spark,” there is only one key
to the lock.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #32
Let him think he’s in control. He’ll automatically start doing
things you want done because he’ll always want to look like
“a king” in your eyes.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #33
When you cater to his ego in a soft way, he doesn’t try to get
power in an aggressive way.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #34
When you appear softer and more feminine,
you appeal to his instinct to protect.
When you appear more aggressive, you
appeal to his instinct to compete.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #35
He’ll let a woman who becomes his doormat
pay for dinner on the first couple of dates,
but he wouldn’t think of it with his dreamgirl.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #36
The token power position is for public display, but
the true power position is for private viewing only.
And this is the only one that matters.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #37
If you give him a feeling of power, he’ll want to protect you
and he’ll want to give you the world.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #38
When a woman acts as though she’s capable of everything,
she gets stuck doing everything.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #39
Men don’t respond to words. They respond to no contact.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #40
Talking about the “relationship” too much
takes away the element of the “unknown”
and thus the mystery.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #41
Men respect women who communicate
in a succinct way, because it’s the language
men use to talk to one another.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #42
When you are always HAPPY;
And he is always free to GO;
He feels LUCKY.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #43
If you allow your rhythm to be interrupted,
you’ll create a void. Then, to replace what
you give up, you’ll start to expect and
need more from your partner.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #44
Most women are starving to receive something from a man
that they need to give to themselves.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #45
A woman looks more secure in a man’s eyes
when he can’t pull her away from her life,
because she is content with her life.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #46
The second a woman works overtime to
make herself fit his criteria, she has lowered the
standard of that relationship.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #47
You jump through hoops any time you
repeatedly make it very obvious you’re
giving your “all.”
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #48
You have to keep from being sucked down into
quicksand. Unless you maintain control over
yourself, the relationship is doomed.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #49
Jumping through hoops often has a
negative outcome: He sees it as an opportunity
to have his cake and eat it, too.
But when you stay just outside his reach,
he’ll stay on his best behavior.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #50
The nice girl gives away too much of herself
when pleasing him regularly becomes more
important than pleasing herself.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #51
The relationship may not be right for you
if you find yourself jumping through hoops.
When something is right, it will feel
easier and much more effortless.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #52
When you nag, he tunes you out.
But when you speak with your actions,
But when you speak with your actions,
he pays attention.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #53
When a man takes a woman for granted, he still looks for
reassurance that she is still “right there.”
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #54
When the routine becomes predictable, he’s more
likely to give you the same type of love he had
for his mother—and the odds that he will
take you for granted increase.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #55
Negative attention is still attention.
It lets a man know that he has you—
right where he wants you.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #56
When you treat him casually as though
he’s a friend, he’ll come your way.
Because he wants things to be romantic,
but he also wants to be the pursuer.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #57
A little distance combined with the
appearance of self-control makes him
nervous that he may be losing you.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #58
A man takes a woman for granted
when he’s interested, but will no
longer go out of his way.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #59
When you nag, you become the problem,
and he deals with it by tuning you out.
But when you don’t nag,
he deals with the problem.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #60
If you take his chores away from him
and praise someone else for doing it,
he’ll want his chores back.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #61
When you nag, he sees weakness.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #62
He perceives an emotional woman as more of a pushover.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #63
In the same way that familiarity breeds contempt, a slightly
aloof demeanor can often renew his respect.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #64
He’ll forget what he has in you . . . unless you remind him.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #65
Many women talk a lot out of nervousness—
which is something that men will often
perceive as insecurity.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #66
Talking about feelings to a man will
feel like work. When he’s with a woman,
he wants it to feel like fun.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #67
Forcing him to talk about feelings all the
time will not only make you seem needy,
it will eventually make him lose respect.
And when he loses respect, he’ll pay
even less attention to your feelings.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #68
In the beginning, the only thing you need
to pay attention to is whether he keeps coming
around, because he’ll only be able to suspend or hide
his emotions for so long.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #69
Men treat women the way they treat other men.
They “play it cool” because they don’t want to
appear weak or desperate.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #70
The element of surprise both inside and
outside of the bedroom is important to men,
and it adds to the excitement.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #71
Don’t always do the same thing over and over
in the bedroom. Vary it so that it doesn’t
become a predictable routine.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #72
Most men tend to disrespect a woman who appears to be too
malleable.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #73
Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself
or speak your mind. It will not only earn his
respect, in some cases it will even turn him on.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #74
Men often automatically assume that a bitchier
woman will be more assertive in bed, and
that a nice girl will be more timid.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #75
When a man falls in love, suddenly he’ll
go out of his way and think nothing of it.
He’ll do things for this woman he wouldn’t
have done for anyone else.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #76
He’ll never respect you as being able to
hold your own unless you can stand on
your own two feet financially.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #77
You have to show that you won’t accept mistreatment. Then
you will keep his respect.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #78
Your pink slip is maintained when you can stand on your own
—with him or without him. He should never feel that you are
completely at his mercy.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #79
When a man views a woman as a “little girl”
or a sister he has to take care of, the
passion diminishes. He doesn’t want to
make love to his sister.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #80
The ability to choose how you want to live,
and the ability to choose how you want to be
treated are the two things that give you more
power than any material object ever will.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #81
In a relationship of any kind, if one person
feels the other person isn’t bringing anything
to the table, he or she will begin
to disrespect that person.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #82
Financial neediness is no different than
emotional neediness; in both instances,
he can still get the feeling that he has a
100 percent hold on you.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #83
Regardless of how pretty a woman is,
looks alone will not sustain his respect.
Appearance may pull him in, but it is your
independence that will keep him turned on.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #84
When a man is very consumed with not
being taken advantage of, this is a sign
that he’s “on the take.”
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #85
People will show you they have self-respect
simply by virtue of the fact that they want to
carry their own weight.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #86
The more independent you are of him, the more interested he
will be.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #87
If you make it too obvious that you’re excited
to get something, some people will be tempted
to dangle a carrot in front of your face.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #88
When you alter the routine, your not being
there is what will make him come around.
Men don’t respond to words. What they
respond to is no contact.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #89
Don’t give a reward for bad behavior.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #90
He simply won’t respect a woman who
automatically goes into overdrive
to please him.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #91
If he doesn’t give you a time, you don’t have a date.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #92
Often the best way to adjust or fix the problem
is by not letting him know it’s being fixed.
When you alter your availability or
change a predictable routine, it will
mentally pull him back in.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #93
Once you start laughing, you start healing.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #94
You can get away with saying much more with humor than
you can with a straight face.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #95
A man feels he’s won, or conquered a woman,
when she eats out of the palm of his hand.
At which point, he begins to get bored.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #96
The tension that arises with a slightly
bitchy woman gives a subtle feeling
of danger to a man. He feels slightly
unsure because she is never in
the palm of his hand.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #97
A “yes” woman who gives too much sends
the impression that she believes in the man
more than she believes in herself.
Men view this as weakness not kindness.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #98
Be an independent thinker at all times,
and ignore anyone who attempts to define
and ignore anyone who attempts to define
you in a limiting way.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #99
Truly powerful people don’t explain why
they want respect. They simply don’t engage
someone who doesn’t give it to them.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #100
The most attractive quality of all is dignity.

Don’t fall in Love

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Okay here’s the deal love sucks .it’s sweet and everything but it sucks becoz  when u fall in love with someone ,u hand over ur heart to that person and it’s over.forget it ,they got the remote control and they make u feel all these sweet and terrible feelings at the same time : missing ,longing,thinking ,jealousy and obsession to name a few. That’s the sucky part that u have totally no control over how u feel anymore and for a control freak like me ,that’s terrible!!! 
And the other thing is u don’t know if the person who u fall in love with is wroth all the trouble or not.i mean he or she could be an asshole or freak or just not ur type or for whatever reason so why take such a big risk!!!
But u could say that the person u fall in love with is awesome and the one and he or she isn’t like anybody u have ever known but u have to take into ur consideration that love is emotion that blinds our judgment completely .we become no longer rational and as we say “ur beloved will swallow for u stones” it means that they could see all ur faults and yet overlook them as if it’s nothing!!
But seriously the most important part is :r u sure that u gonna be with this person forever? R u sure that this relationship could work in the first place?!!!
We r in the real world hello!! wake up!! while we could love each other like crazy and can’t imagine living without each other but the truth is there’s something called “circumstances” that gets in the way .you could fight the circumstances or try to get over it but sometimes u find urself fighting alone while the other person isn’t ready or willing to make compromises to make the relationship work.
And the next thing u know you find urself crying ur eyes out becoz it just didn’t work out and you realize how foolish u was !!!
It’s not ur fault alone ,don’t beat urself up ,it always takes two persons to make a relationship work and if that other person isn’t there for u or willing to make it work then with the hell to it!!
Didn’t I tell you that love could suck the life out of u and leave u with totally nothing!!!
Or the worst u could be left with “Memories” ugh don’t get me started on that .
So it’s better to be alone and wait for The right person to come along who is ready to commit from the beginning ,wait wait don’t fall yet ,be sure that it gonna be forever and there’s a ring on ur hand and u r happily married and there r kids running around the house .now u know that he or she is trapped and they will stay whether they like it or not 😀
Yeah I like it the old-fashioned way 😛
U choose to fall or not ,it’s up to u but don’t listen to ppl who tell u that u just fall and u totally have no control over that becoz love like everything else is a mental decision u take and u choose to let ur heart go or not and my sincere advice to u :don’t fall and choose wisely 🙂

Why do people have to leave each other?

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Why Do People Have to Leave Each Other? by Yasmin Mogahed

When I was 17 years old, I had a dream. I dreamt that I was sitting inside a masjid and a little girl walked up to ask me a question. She asked me: “Why do people have to leave each other?” The question was a personal one, but it seemed clear to me why the question was chosen for me.

I was one to get attached.

Ever since I was a child, this temperament was clear. While other children in preschool could easily recover once their parents left, I could not. My tears, once set in motion, did not stop easily. As I grew up, I learned to become attached to everything around me. From the time I was in first grade, I needed a best friend. As I got older, any fall-out with a friend shattered me. I couldn’t let go of anything. People, places, events, photographs, moments—even outcomes became objects of strong attachment. If things didn’t work out the way I wanted or imagined they should, I was devastated. And disappointment for me wasn’t an ordinary emotion. It was catastrophic. Once let down, I never fully recovered. I could never forget, and the break never mended. Like a glass vase that you place on the edge of a table, once broken, the pieces never quite fit again.

But the problem wasn’t with the vase. Or even that the vases kept breaking. The problem was that I kept putting them on the edge of tables. Through my attachments, I was dependent on my relationships to fulfill my needs. I allowed those relationships to define my happiness or my sadness, my fulfillment or my emptiness, my security, and even my self-worth. And so, like the vase placed where it will inevitably fall, through those dependencies I set myself up for disappointment. I set myself up to be broken. And that’s exactly what I found: one disappointment, one break after another.

But the people who broke me were not to blame any more than gravity can be blamed for breaking the vase. We can’t blame the laws of physics when a twig snaps because we leaned on it for support. The twig was never created to carry us.

Our weight was only meant to be carried by God. We are told in the Quran: “…whoever rejects evil and believes in God hath grasped the most trustworthy hand-hold, that never breaks. And God hears and knows all things.” (Qur’an 2: 256)

There is a crucial lesson in this verse: that there is only one handhold that never breaks. There is only one place where we can lay our dependencies. There is only one relationship that should define our self-worth and only one source from which to seek our ultimate happiness, fulfillment, and security. That place is God.

But this world is all about seeking those things everywhere else. Some of us seek it in our careers, some seek it in wealth, some in status. Some, like me, seek it in our relationships. In her book, Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert describes her own quest for happiness. She describes moving in and out of relationships, and even traveling the globe in search of this fulfillment. She seeks that fulfillment—unsuccessfully—in her relationships, in meditation, even in food.

And that’s exactly where I spent much of my own life: seeking a way to fill my inner void. So it was no wonder that the little girl in my dream asked me this question. It was a question about loss, about disappointment. It was a question about being let down. A question about seeking something and coming back empty handed. It was about what happens when you try to dig in concrete with your bare hands: not only do you come back with nothing—you break your fingers in the process. And I learned this not by reading it, not by hearing it from a wise sage. I learned it by trying it again, and again, and again.

And so, the little girl’s question was essentially my own question…being asked to myself.

Ultimately, the question was about the nature of the dunya as a place of fleeting moments and temporary attachments. As a place where people are with you today, and leave or die tomorrow. But this reality hurts our very being because it goes against our nature. We, as humans, are made to seek, love, and strive for what is perfect and what is permanent. We are made to seek what’s eternal. We seek this because we were not made for this life. Our first and true home was Paradise: a land that is both perfect and eternal. So the yearning for that type of life is a part of our being. The problem is that we try to find that here. And so we create ageless creams and cosmetic surgery in a desperate attempt to hold on—in an attempt to mold this world into what it is not, and will never be.

And that’s why if we live in dunya with our hearts, it breaks us. That’s why this dunya hurts. It is because the definition of dunya, as something temporary and imperfect, goes against everything we are made to yearn for. Allah put a yearning in us that can only be fulfilled by what is eternal and perfect. By trying to find fulfillment in what is fleeting, we are running after a hologram…a mirage. We are digging into concrete with our bare hands. Seeking to turn what is by its very nature temporary into something eternal is like trying to extract from fire, water.  You just get burned. Only when we stop putting our hopes in dunya, only when we stop trying to make the dunya into what it is not—and was never meant to be (jannah)—will this life finally stop breaking our hearts.

We must also realize that nothing happens without a purpose. Nothing. Not even broken hearts. Not even pain. That broken heart and that pain are lessons and signs for us. They are warnings that something is wrong. They are warnings that we need to make a change. Just like the pain of being burned is what warns us to remove our hand from the fire, emotional pain warns us that we need to make an internal change. That we need to detach. Pain is a form of forced detachment. Like the loved one who hurts you again and again and again, the moredunya hurts us, the more we inevitably detach from it. The more we inevitably stop loving it.

And pain is a pointer to our attachments. That which makes us cry, that which causes us most pain is where our false attachments lie. And it is those things which we are attached to as we should only be attached to Allah which become barriers on our path to God. But the pain itself is what makes the false attachment evident. The pain creates a condition in our life that we seek to change, and if there is anything about our condition that we don’t like, there is a divine formula to change it. God says: “Verily never will God change the condition of a people until they change what is within themselves.” (Qur’an, 13:11)

After years of falling into the same pattern of disappointments and heartbreak, I finally began to realize something profound. I had always thought that love of dunya meant being attached to material things. And I was not attached to material things. I was attached to people. I was attached to moments. I was attached to emotions. So I thought that the love of dunya just did not apply to me. What I didn’t realize was that people, moments, emotions are all a part ofdunya. What I didn’t realize is that all the pain I had experienced in life was due to one thing, and one thing only: love of dunya.

As soon as I began to have that realization, a veil was lifted from my eyes. I started to see what my problem was. I was expecting this life to be what it is not, and was never meant to be: perfect. And being the idealist that I am, I was struggling with every cell in my body to make it so. It had to be perfect. And I would not stop until it was. I gave my blood, sweat, and tears to this endeavor: making the dunya into jannah. This meant expecting people around me to be perfect. Expecting my relationships to be perfect. Expecting so much from those around me and from this life. Expectations. Expectations. Expectations. And if there is one recipe for unhappiness it is that: expectations. But herein lay my fatal mistake. My mistake was not in having expectations; as humans, we should never lose hope. The problem was in *where* I was placing those expectations and that hope. At the end of the day, my hope and expectations were not being placed in God. My hope and expectations were in people, relationships, means. Ultimately, my hope was in this dunya rather than Allah.

And so I came to realize a very deep Truth. An ayah began to cross my mind. It was an ayah I had heard before, but for the first time I realized that it was actually describing me:  “Those who rest not their hope on their meeting with Us, but are pleased and satisfied with the life of the present, and those who heed not Our Signs.” (Qur’an, 10:7)

By thinking that I can have everything here, my hope was not in my meeting with God. My hope was in dunya. But what does it mean to place your hope in dunya? How can this be avoided? It means when you have friends, don’t expect your friends to fill your emptiness. When you get married, don’t expect your spouse to fulfill your every need. When you’re an activist, don’t put your hope in the results. When you’re in trouble don’t depend on yourself. Don’t depend on people. Depend on God.

Seek the help of people—but realize that it is not the people (or even your own self) that can save you. Only Allah can do these things. The people are only tools, a means used by God. But they are not the source of help, aid, or salvation of any kind. Only God is. The people cannot even create the wing of a fly (22:73).  And so, even while you interact with people externally, turn your heart towards God. Face Him alone, as Prophet Ibrahim (as) said so beautifully: “For me, I have set my face, firmly and truly, towards Him Who created the heavens and the earth, and never shall I give partners to Allah.” (Qur’an, 6:79)

But how does Prophet Ibrahim (as) describe his journey to that point? He studies the moon, the sun and the stars and realizes that they are not perfect. They set.

They let us down.

So Prophet Ibrahim (as) was thereby led to face Allah alone. Like him, we need to put our full hope, trust, and dependency on God. And God alone. And if we do that, we will learn what it means to finally find peace and stability of heart. Only then will the roller coaster that once defined our lives finally come to an end. That is because if our inner state is dependent on something that is by definition inconstant, that inner state will also be inconstant. If our inner state is dependent on something changing and temporary, that inner state will be in a constant state of instability, agitation, and unrest. This means that one moment we’re happy, but as soon as that which our happiness depended upon changes, our happiness also changes. And we become sad. We remain always swinging from one extreme to another and not realizing why.

We experience this emotional roller coaster because we can never find stability and lasting peace until our attachment and dependency is on what is stable and lasting. How can we hope to find constancy if what we hold on to is inconstant and perishing? In the statement of Abu Bakr is a deep illustration of this truth. After the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ died, the people went into shock and could not handle the news. But although no one loved the Prophet ﷺ like Abu Bakr, Abu Bakr understood well the only place where one’s dependency should lie. He said: “If you worshipped Muhammad, know that Muhammad is dead. But if you worshipped Allah, know that Allah never dies.”

To attain that state, don’t let your source of fulfillment be anything other than your relationship with God. Don’t let your definition of success, failure, or self-worth be anything other than your position with Him (Qur’an, 49:13). And if you do this, you become unbreakable, because your handhold is unbreakable. You become unconquerable, because your supporter can never be conquered. And you will never become empty, because your source of fulfillment is unending and never diminishes.

Looking back at the dream I had when I was 17, I wonder if that little girl was me. I wonder this because the answer I gave her was a lesson I would need to spend the next painful years of my life learning. My answer to her question of why people have to leave each other was: “because this life isn’t perfect; for if it was, what would the next be called?”