The lesson was always been Surrender,,,surrendering to the will of God ,complete surrender but I kept resisting and fighting against life all this time ,i hated to be weak and vulnerable and i always wanted to protect myself ,I thought if I let go ,I would go wrong and live in misery and regret!I thought that being in charge of my destiny means total control of everything!
I never went with the flow ,i always swam against the mainstream
While I admired my strength and resistance in the face of conflict ,I felt terrible and depressed after such a big fight with words ,every confrontation left me depleted trying so hard to say I always do it my way so back off!
Now when I put everything in perspective ,it’s foolish to fight against your life or your destiny
The more you fight and resist ,the more the situation gets complicated and what you don’t want manifest
There are certain type of people who is always okay with everything ,they are like the zen masters,whether what happens is good or bad they always welcome it with acceptance
I hated that attitude ,I saw it as “Passive aggressive” ,when people told me reality is that way
I always fought back but we can do something about it,right?
I was “aggressive aggressive” ,when something felt wrong to me ,i always wanted to change it and control the outcome ,i would fight with all my power ,determined to get my own way
Surrender seemed weird to me ,I thought this word is for weak people who are not willing to fight for what they want
I saw only one side of the picture and refused to see the whole picture which is Surrender
Its subtle power melts the hardest of rocks but I kept going back and forth between yes I want to surrender but still I can do something!
Surrender doesn’t mean that you don’t have to take any action in your life but it means to know when to take that action and when to let go and surrender and trust God and the process
To surrender means You have to believe in a bigger and smarter power than yourself which is God
Always wanting to take action means that you fear something ,fear of loss ,fear of losing yourself or anything else ,that fear based behavior makes you want to control everything and it is Ego ,the Ego self sees its death in surrender ,of not being out there doing something to manipulate the situation
Once fear kicks in ,all the emotions follow,worry,anxiety ,mistrust and it keeps you trapped ,stuck in the confusion of not knowing what’s right or wrong anymore
We thought we are always in control and that’s a myth ,life slaps you hard in your face when what you try so hard to make it happen doesn’t work they way you want or doesn’t work at all!
When I saw my body rebelling against me with sickness ,I couldn’t control it and I felt so weak and fragile.I knew I wasn’t in control
Life kept hitting me with conflict after conflict ,problem after a problem but I never got the lesson which is Surrender
I saw something was wrong and I wanted to fix it
I even manipulated my emotions ,no I am not supposed to feel that way!
I should feel that way ,this is so wrong but it was me who is wrong not my feelings
My feelings were always and still sincere but I never trusted them for what they are ,that’s why I tried to rationalize and analyze everything even my raw emotions ,it was exhausting and it felt awful to say the least ,I was drowning in despair and I blamed life for not being fair!
The breakdown came when everything you thought you are in control of came crushing down upon you and the illusion shattered and finally you see life and everything for what it is and then you say to yourself I wish if I have let go from the very beginning ,it was not worth the fight!
But As humans we often learn the hard way and that’s okay .no one said it was going to be easy 🙂
So to sum it all up ,there’s life and there’s you and there is two ways to reach your destination ,one is surrender and the other is resistance
Surrender flows like water and it is easy and you have to just to trust and believe ,to believe that everything will turn out well even if it seems wrong ,irrational ,counterintuitive on the surface.when you believe in God and get connected to that source of love and wisdom ,you can never go wrong
Even when it is wrong ,it is right and you need some wrong to teach you the right!
The other way of resistance feels terribly wrong ,it’s a mess and full of conflict ,anger ,going against the flow ,not trusting yourself or others ,disbelief in God and goodness ,mistrust and control
Lots of control will only make you stagnant ,rigid and always trying to prove something to yourself or others without really caring about your feelings or anyone else’s for that matter
So trust and believe in God
Know that your destiny is unfolding perfectly and it is predestined already
Believe in the signs ,the signals sent from the universe to show you the way
Trust your intuition and your gut feeling
Surrender is the way ,the way that leads you to any destination you choose
Embrace everything in life with acceptance and live in the moment