Monthly Archives: July 2012

Apology accepted Emy

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Emy called me yesterday and that’s was totally unexpected n she swore ¬†becoz i didn’t come but i rly snapped at her n i was so nervous that i talk so fast n told her it’s ur fault n u didn’t call me in the first place so how come i should come ?? but it was rly silly that she told me i felt¬†Embarrassed!! that i promised u but i couldn’t take me with u becoz i had to take his sister instead plus her sisters .i told her okay fine u could tell me that n i would understand but she felt too embarrassed to answer me or to call .the important thing we make up n everything is good between us now
and i don’t wanna be mad at anyone in Ramadan so i forgave all ppl n hope all ppl forgive me as well

it’s rly interesting how in relationships ppl can overcome many obstacles n troubles ,,that means that bond between ppl r so strong that nothing can shake it ūüôā
i’m so grateful to have Emy in my life and i gonna miss her so much when she moves to cairo !

Emy

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it’s my best friend¬†engagement 2day but unfortunately i didn’t go!! Although i wanted to go but i’m so pissed of at how such friend who i call her sister n my best friend to be that careless ,she is alwayz careless n take me for granted!!
she called me and she was like hey i wanna u to come it will be grand night big time bla bla bla and i was so happy 4 her n still .2day i waited for her to call me or even to give me a ring to go to the hairdresser with her but she didn’t even call on my cell or at home then it’s already night n ¬†i become worried i give her a ring n waited nothing ,then i decided to call her she switched her cell off or may be the battery is dead but whatever if she rly wanted me to go with her ,she would call me early !! WTF ? seriously? I mean if u wanna go alone or with ur sister or whoever,why did u call me n tell me u must come and all that bullshit!!
Emy is my best friend ,since high skool ,she was the one who was alwayz there when i didn’t have any friendz .i get attached to her n we become so close ,like sisters or even more but after high skool we went to different colleges and we started to get apart although we call each other every now n then and sometimes we hang out when she is free becoz she has a very busy schedule all the time ,being a teacher and stuff !
the high skool memories r the best that we had together .we go to school together n i remember how i used to skip my classes to attend at her class and i didn’t give a shit about my class becoz i just wanted to spend time with her n enjoy her company n she would tell me back then it’s totally wrong n u have to go to ur class but i didn’t care

Emy used to played all kind of tricks on me hehee she was so mean! we used to go to private lessons together as well ,I¬†remember¬†once in the Arabic lesson ,i was all like absent-minded n not paying attention n just looking at the book then the teacher was asking a question then she said “Mai ,hey he is asking u “? and me like a fool i started to answer at once but the teacher said :No not you ,the girl in the back¬†

I don’t remember what i did to her but i was so pissed off and another time i guessed i lost my wallet at that Arabic lesson as well then she was so sweet n tell me yeah let’s look for it ,we searched for it everywhere and then she told me ¬†we must go back to the lesson n ask the teacher i told her okay¬†
then we did ,i asked the teacher he made the boys look for it but nothing then i lost all hope in finding it and i didn’t care about the money but just the pics .at last ,Emy gave me the wallet and she told me that she was keeping it all that time¬†
and i wanted to hit her so hard but she did all that jokingly ,thinking it fun and it’s good thing to laugh at .Damn she alwayz enjoys laughing at me ,well at all ppl but that sometimes drives me crazy and it gets on my nerves¬†

once we were so late n we should hurry to the Arabic lesson she told me don’t change the skool uniform ,we will be late i told her okay .when she came i found that she changed her clothes n even had lunch n did everything while i believed her .she alwayz laugh every time and take it as joke ,she is such a joker but so mean but i guess most of the time her intention is good ūüėõ

she just had that careless attitude which annoys me like hell !! now i’m listening to the songs of her¬†engagement¬†becoz her home is just few blocks away from my home and i’m eating alot of cadbury choco hoping that it will make me feel better that i’m not attending her¬†engagement¬†party but anywayz i wish her all the best n she alwayz be a dear friend who i luv n¬†cherish¬†every memory i spent with her and i will pray 4 her husband 4 sure hehehe he has no idea what trouble he is getting into ūüėõ

 

Leave me the hell alone !!

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I’ve just killed a flying insect ,it scared the shit out of me ,,,i rly hate all¬†insects¬†with passion !!
okay ,i don’t mind that they live with us on the same planet but plz stay away from me ,i hate all of u like hell !!
for the love of God ,leave me the hell alone UGH i’m just wondering why God created¬†insects? i’m not kidding i’m damn serious ,so plz if u know the answer, tell me¬†
May that thing RIP tho i killed it mercilessly May Allah forgive me 

Emotional-emptiness addiction syndrome

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we all want to be loved and take care of ,that’ s unquestionable but what happen if u r emotionally empty? Some ppl r emotionally empty ,they look for love and care ,acceptance and approval to be validated by others .the problem starts from childhood when that child didn’t receive enough love and attention from his parents ,he grew up feeling deprived without even realizing it and look for that thing called “Love” but that person turn out to be “love junkie”!!
that craving for love and care and attention becomes addiction 
this person has these symptoms of Emotional Emptiness:
nothing fills him up totally or completely esp material things
(money, possessions, expensive cloths ,success ,vacations ,u name it) 
Looking for love and care everywhere 
when he or she finds the agreeable person ,someone who is good enough in their book and shows some interest in them in any way 
the light in their brain turns green and that’s how their addiction journey becomes

they become so interested in that person becoz he or she is the holder of their drug that they want so badly ,the Love and care 

they begin to give that person everything ,love,care ,attention ,they try to impress him ,they go the extra mile to make sure that they did everything that they should do to get the prize ,the drug that will make them feel good about themselves,satisfy them and fill them up

when they do their part and nothing is left to give ,their expectations r so high and they can’t settle for less than what they want ,it’s like a kind of bribe but with love and feelings¬†

the other person in the relationship ,could give the same amount of love and care  and that when the game is still on ,the person could give them less ,that when they sulk and become kinda disappointed,the person could give them nothing at all 
that when their disappointment reach the top of ceiling and hit that person so hard ,they become so violent and attack the other person mercilessly becoz that wasn’t expected after all what they gave of their time ,feelings¬†
the expectations ,the conditions make the relationship like living hell!!!

the true healthy love has no expectations and completely unconditional ,u just give becoz u love to give not becoz u expect something in return ,u give becoz u wanna see the other person happy no matter what it takes 
u give becoz it’s what u feel and want to do ,not what u r obliged to do¬†

there r no conditions in true love  ,like if he treats me nice ,I will do the same .If he cared ,I will care ,If he did that ,I will do that .this relationship is if relationship .it based on the condition to happen ,to get the other . It makes the relationship like some kind of deal or so materialistic and mathematic one, a one which is calculated by paper and pen and not by emotions!!
that’s why there is a certain pattern in these relationships ,that most likely to end in a breakup.

but that doesn’t mean to accept bad treatment and that includes :ignorance without clear reasons, shouting if u didn’t do anything to deserve that ,Emotional withdrawal when someone stops to care about u or love u becoz he decided to do so ,in that case ,it’s not wise to give and give without questioning or expecting anything in return !

Love should be mutual ,it takes two ppl ,not just one person to receive love .both ppl should feel loved and happy and if u can’t do the math ,get out of Equation!!

Aside

i made a mixed sandwich 2day ,boiled eggs with ketchup n¬†mayonnaise,¬†olive¬†n green pepper¬†,mmm it was rly yummy ,i’m rly creative when it comes to food n i luv to try new stuff all the time unlike mom ¬†she sticks to what she already knows ūüėÄ

i made a mixed …

Morning dew

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you turn my night cries into smiling morning dew 
I’m thankful for that smile when i was so down and blue
i fall and hit the ground
but you raise me up
made me see the breaking dawn
that light gave me hope
made me feel that everything gonna be okay
it’s all right ,don’t cry
for u r safe now from all these sorrows 
i’m eternally grateful for You
for I know you got my heart in your hands
you know how to heal me 
you know how to fix me 
Thanks Allah AhlamulilAllah 

Mai Kamal,2012
 

The Underworld III

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The Underworld III by Mai kamal

Persephone hesitated to enter that gate
for what she heard before  even Entering
made her so scared
curses ,cries and the crackle of the burning fire
But being the reckless she is
she pushed the door open
what she saw wasn’t pleasant at all
¬†“How could you have hurt me?”
¬†“If you really loved me you wouldn’t have done that.”
I believe in justice babe ,Eye for an Eye
and I wanna you feel how much I hurt
how much pain i feel inside
You know that song
”¬†Bang bang, he shot me down
Bang bang, I hit the ground
Bang bang, that awful sound
Bang bang, my baby shot me down”
sorry babe ,i have to shoot you down
Booom Booom ,you are dead to me
cheating on him 
A Man killed his wife
After finding out how many affair he had
A woman killed her husband  
where’s the loyalty and commitment gone?
welcome to Hell ,it’s the gate of Revenge
they said revenge is a dish best served cold
feeling deeply wronged by someone
 powerful need for vengeance rises
If you have a pride,you feel humiliated
if you lose your power ,you need to be in control
¬†what’s the best Revenge?
in the underworld,it’s¬†long, slow and painful death scene

but if you are helpless and can’t seek ruthless Revenge¬†
will you withdraw the fight?
or rise above the bitterness like a soaring Eagle
some withdraw with hatred tangled in their hearts
unconsciously willing destruction without direct action

They say to Err is human,to forgive is divine
some ppl forget and forgive
some forgive but will never forget
that fire in the heart
won’t put out until everything is done
the game is never over
where there is blood
Wars,Betrayal,Killing ,lies 
you have to pay the price
when everything goes out of control
the animal inside unleashed 
and seeking Revenge and knows no Law 
that fire inside the heart 
burns everything to ashes 
Persephone saw all this before
and know how the story goes
the End is always tragic 
and she knows one thing for sure
when Revenge is on the wheel drive 
the clash ,the accident is inevitable 
there is no gain  but just ruins and regrets
 

The UnderWorld II

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The Underworld II by Mai kamal

Back to where we left Persephone waiting  
many gates are left unexplored
What lies behind these penetrating eyes 
their stare is probing and piercing
The Green eyed monster
watches every move
The Gate of  Jealousy and Envy
everyone back away in fright
except Persephone 
who can look at the monster in the eye
The morbid jealousy
coming from the monster’s eyes¬†
spreading its venom everywhere 
killing and torture emotionally 
¬†there’s no Antidote¬†
if you are feeding it by
Anger,suspicion ,Mistrust  
“it’s Not fair!”
if she is prettier than me
he is smarter than me
I want to have to it all
”¬†Mirror, mirror on the wall who’s the fairest of them all!”
 The demon of possession takes over
The Green eyed on the verge of frenzy
ready for the kill and the destruction of everything
 the eruption of emotions like a bad omen 
persephone was taken hostage by the Monster
“Just Let me Go”
“Leave me the Hell alone”
 it was once said 
¬†“Jealousy is the tie that binds, and binds, and binds.”
and Oh how Persephone wished to be free of that tie
it hit her like tons of bricks
left her vulnerable, insecure
eating her from inside
that deep black hole inside the heart 
widens and seem to sallow the resentment
everything lost and destroyed through this vicious cycle 
 Persephone set made up her mind to take this journey 
 once set on course there is no turning back
the monster  rears its head
from a dark, brooding and suspicious place
Persephone freaked out but managed to dig deeper
and find a way out  
Persephone slayed the Monster 
and tried hard to avoid its penetrating gaze
she is a Fighter ,the warrior of the underworld
Nothing held her back
When Enough is Enough 
watch out ,for the monster won’t dare to fight
when you feel that awful feeling 
and there is no way to show it
but it’s kept hidden inside¬†
You have to let the darkness 
comes to the surface 
to show it the Light 

 
 

The underworld I by Mai kamal

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in that night 
under the hypnotizing moonlight
she was there
taking a walk or searching in despair
Suddenly she was abducted by the darkest force
could be demons or her own darkness
and she went on a journey to the underworld
it’s a creepy world down there
more bloody than vampire stories
more scary than a Halloween night
this is not Twilight and it’s not for the faint of the heart
there were many gates which no one dares to explore
the first Gate ,The gate of Power
Let’s take a look inside ,¬†Persephone¬†did venture everything
and take her first step ,as they said curiosity killed the cat
but with her it was more than just curiosity
in that faraway different realm,the power dominates
there r many slaves who just carry out orders
others r tied by chains and can’t set themselves free
the way out is always open but no one dares to escape
it’s like we lived here ,will die here
we didn’t know any better
and the dark power of the underworld
is just something inside their genes
it has got its grip over them
they didn’t know how to break free
Persophone nothing stands in her way
Manipulation is her game,she is the master of the art
No to the hell and No to orders
that’s why clashes were¬†inevitable¬†where u r in the realm of power
will u just do it for me? for my sake? 
and please say please 
if u misbehave ,u will get punished 
and some find pleasure in pain
i can’t let it go ,it’s mine
i need it badly
and i wanna it ,will get it
I’m addicted and i know it
deal with it
 

in the realm of power ,u will find all kinds of people 
the slaves ,the addicted.the manipulative,the possessive ,the sadistic and the controller of it all 
the power of the darkness is all around u 
and believe me ,there is no escape 
face ur demons or u will be damned 

 the second gate ,the Gate of Secrets 
 behind that gate , Lies very deep dark ocean 
and u better know  how to swim before u take
the risk and jump
they say think before u leap
no one dares to get that far
except Persephone the Queen of the underworld
she knows all kinds of secrets 
and especially the dark secrets
 people used to tell their secrets inside a shell
and throw it into the dark ocean
Persephone went to the depth
and heard the horrible secrets and kept them in safe
including her own ones
they have their heavy weight on her chest
but she never uttered a word to a living thing
the dark ocean never drowns who keeps its secrets
Persephone get out of that gate with a sigh of relief

her¬†journey¬†didn’t end ,there r many gates to explore
but it’s just the beginning of long journey to the underworld
where there is no map to guide u
but u have to listen to that voice
that comes from nowhere
telling u where to go
and u have to follow it
without using ur head
without any rational reasons
it’s just that way
it’s how u feel it

 
Mai Kamal,2012
plz if u wanna copy any poem from here ,ask for my permission first ,all poems r written by me